With the media’s spotlight focused on the adolescents of the LGBT community, the insecure straight teen can feel left out—again “I’m thirteen. I like Susan a lot. We’ve been best buds since first grade, but—not like that. What’s wrong with me?” To all of you teens and young adults, I say, “Hey, girlfriend, it’s okay to be straight!”
As you develop, you’ll discover two separate attractions. While the pull may differ with some teens, the most common is for the girl to find herself
- emotionally drawn to her same gender friends, but
- physically attracted to the boys in her peer group.
Development in the teen years progresses uniquely for each of us, and not everything is about sex.
Most often, younger adolescent girls prefer to spend more time with a BFF, or just hanging with their group of girlfriends than to be with a boy. That makes sense because you’re more comfortable with girls. You don’t always have to be worrying that you’ve got food caught on your braces. The girls talk about stuff that interests you.
In the early teen years, you may look at guys, think a couple are cool but feel too nervous to interact with one of them in the cafeteria. Girls often fear that the boy won’t respond positively to a smile or that he’ll think your comments are dumb. Hey, that’s too much stress over lunch.
Besides, your body isn’t perfect, right? You’re sure he won’t be interested. Being rejected is worse than never attempting to interact, so you don’t.
If you’re pondering the events and feelings of your life so far, trying to find a place you might fit, I repeat, “Hey, girlfriend, it’s okay to be straight!” That’s true even if there’s no guy on your horizon.
Sex doesn’t define Life. You don’t have to be having sexual relations with somebody to be a normal person. You can just enjoy hanging out. Don’t let the media make you think every close relationship has a sexual component to it. That’s just not true.
Two primary adolescent gender concerns:
One: I’ve been attracted to rainbows all my life, and my secret desire since grade school has been to paint my bedroom lavender. I know the rainbow is the logo for the LGBT group and lavender is the color for the lesbians. Isn’t that like some kind of sign I might really be a lesbian, subconsciously?
I’ve loved rainbows for as long as I can remember, oohing and aahing every time I caught sight of one—in nature or a photo. As you can see, my website header includes a rainbow. I understand your question, though. I wondered if I should remove it, but decided that since God first created the rainbow as the sign of His covenant, I can use it, even if I’m straight.
Wow, do I get your desire to paint your room lavender! I hope you get to do it one day. My parents let me paint my room lavender when I was sixteen. I didn’t stop there. I changed the bedroom curtains to a deeper shade of lavender, with a matching throw rug.
Then, I put purple and various shades of lavender stuffed animals all over my brand-new lavender bedspread. By the time I left for university, I had 104 stuffed animals all over the double bed and adjacent floor space—mostly in some shade of lavender.
Being attracted to rainbows or the color lavender has nothing at all to do with sex, any more than liking orange or red means you’re really a Firebug.
Two: I’m twelve, and I sometimes wish I could be a boy. I think it’s been that way since I first went to kindergarten because I remember neighbors telling Mom she had a tomboy on her hands. I hadn’t heard about a transsexual until the class in school. I wonder if that’s what I am.
The statistics by both the government and nongovernmental organizations indicate that less than four percent of the American population is in the LGBT community. Since the transsexual group has the fewest members in that small community, you aren’t likely to be included simply on the basis of what you’ve expressed here. It’s normal for kids to have a variety of interests. Preferring to climb trees or throw a ball, instead of dressing up Barbie, doesn’t mean you’re not a girl.
Even before the age of nine, I loved sports of all kinds, including playing baseball and football with the neighborhood boys. I could swing a bat and toss a spiral pass with the best of them. Each Christmas I asked for a new pair of six-shooters.
By fourth grade, I’d had it with the school’s dress code. I hated wearing dresses, preferring a white and black striped button-down shirt and a pair of black cotton pants. I loved those little silver double-buckle slim white leather belts the high school boys wore. Finally, my mother gave in and bought me one.
“I hate being a girl! I want to be a boy,” I said to my worried mother. I can honestly tell you, sex had not a thing to do with my desire. I just wanted the freedom wearing pants versus a dress afforded. No worry about hanging upside down on the monkey bars. No kid could pull at the hem of my skirt when I rounded third base on my way to home plate. How I hated being stopped on third by a hemline.
Then, fifth grade began. My eyes caught sight of his broad smile. Alone in the coatroom, I knew I’d just found a great reason to be a girl. No more struggling over wearing dresses to school. I’d just have to swing that bat hard enough to not need to run the bases in a skirt.
At twelve, I dropped the guns and asked for a bride doll for Christmas. At sixty-six, I still love being a girl. If God brought a man into my life who loved me and wanted to serve the Lord in foreign missions, I’d be a happy camper. In any case, I’m complete right now—even without a Mr. Wonderful in my life.
If God has given you a BFF, rejoice in that friendship. In the Bible, David and Jonathan had such a close relationship that they made a covenant. Basically, it meant, “I’ve got your back, brother.” There wasn’t anything sexual about their friendship.
The press focuses on different groups at different times—whatever sells, you know? Don’t worry about not having those feelings for your childhood friend. Most kids your age are just like you. Don’t give under the pressure to be somebody you’re not. Maybe you need to look in the mirror and remind yourself, “hey, girlfriend, it’s okay to be straight!”
