What Should Today’s Teens Know about Love?

While searching for information on a specific topic, I tripped on a link somewhere in the Google outfield. Down that rabbit hole I fell, coming to rest at the end of a list of thirty comments on the off-topic blog post I’d just read. I longed to reach out to the young author, her like-minded commenters, and all of those who read but left no feedback. I wondered, what should today’s teens know about love?

What does an old lady know about teenage love? Hey, I heard that! You might be surprised. I wasn’t always old, you know. Over the decades, I learned a few things that have helped me understand love. If you stay right here, I’ll share some with you.

Did you know that the Greeks have more than thirty words that English translates simply, love? As a rule, we use only four Greek words to describe love. Can you pick out the three most common from this list?

• Phileo
• Eros
• Storge
• Agape

Phileo

Phileo is the deep bond of friendship you have with your BFF. It doesn’t mean the girl who sits in front of you in every class because the school seats you in alphabetical order. If she’s not someone you hang out with, she’s just an acquaintance or classmate.

If you’ve read the story of David and Jonathan in the Bible, you’ve discovered a Biblical example of phileo love. Their bond of friendship included a commitment to one another that had nothing to do with sex.

During my childhood, Butchy and I enjoyed doing everything together. After-school hours and all day on Saturdays, we roamed the neighborhood, tossed balls of all shapes and sizes, and just plain liked hanging out. Even as tweens, sex never had any part in our bond of friendship. Butchy and I liked being BFF’s—no strings attached.

Because of family relocation, the bond with Butchy disappeared. My next BFF happened to be a girl new to our junior high. We had lots of common interests, with personalities that clicked. Our relationship grew deeper as time passed, but sex never entered the picture. Like all girls, we shared daydreams about what life might be like with this guy or that when we grew up.

In today’s world, we’re made to believe that sex is always involved in deep love relationships—whether same gender or opposite. That’s simply not true. Phileo is genuine and real love between two people, without sex.

Marriages tend to do better in the long run if the couple enjoyed a stable phileo/BFF relationship first. Then, moving in the eros type of love only deepens their already-existing love. The climate of instant gratification in our present-day world drastically shortens the time couples have to develop the phileo love.

Sometimes, the couples feel under pressure to jump from acquaintance-date right to eros and call that love. How sad that this is also happening inside the church. There’s a lot more to eros love than erotic pleasure.

Eros

Yes; this is the word from which we get the adjective, erotic. However, it means a lot more than sex.

Picturing the Greek god Eros shooting his arrows to ignite passion in the unsuspecting victim, helps us understand why that’s not God’s idea of love. It’s a one-way deal, selfish on the part of the archer, right? There’s no consent. Clearly, Eros/Cupid’s activity has nothing to do with love; it’s pure and simple lust.

God created the erotic bond as a part of the marriage covenant. The strong desire to be with one particular person, not just the raw sexuality of being with any willing participant, constitutes real erotic love. Sex is a part of the manifestation of that deepest of all loves between couples, but it’s only a part.

The sexual experience has always been a part of God’s plan to bring physical pleasure to the commitment of marriage, as well as to create their own family.

If you’d like the intellectual definition of eros, here’s what Merriam-Webster had to offer:

“The sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind.”

Like I said, God intended the erotic bond to be a healthy thing between the husband and wife. Since the Bible clearly forbids sexual union outside of marriage, there’s no such expectation for the preservation of the body and mind outside that covenant. Then, sex is just sex—nothing more.

Do you realize you’re not alone if you desire abstinence until marriage? Here’s just a few of the testimonies I’ve heard from middle school girls:

*When the youth pastor gave out the cards to keep myself for marriage, I signed it. Then, I saw the girls next to me hadn’t, so I erased my signature.

*I never had sex with any of the boys, but I told my classmates I did. I didn’t want them to think I was weird or something, so I lied.

*I really wanted to sign the abstinence card, but I let it pass me when the youth pastor sent the pile around. My heart was beating so fast. I just wanted to cry. My best friend said those cards were for losers.

The eighth-grade girl’s words implied that only losers want God’s eros, erotic love, offered within the covenant of marriage. She doesn’t get it that the world’s offer of erotic lust has nothing at all to do with love.

Don’t despair if it’s already too late for you to “keep yourself for marriage.” You can make that commitment today and begin again. God’s all about forgiveness and second chances. You can keep yourself from this moment on.

What about your dog’s tail thumping love? That’s storge. We’ll look at that love next.

Storge

Storge love has a strong empathy or affection bond. This love is a natural connection, created through the fondness of familiarity. It’s believed to be the most diffuse bond because the love doesn’t depend on any characteristics of worth or value. Does that describe your dog?

Typically, the people who write about these things list the love of a parent for a child when defining storge love, but I think a dog fits every bit as much in this category. I mean, really, who but your dog can be so happy to see you when you walk through the door—even if you’ve only been gone ten minutes? Isn’t that affectionate love?

Wikipedia defines storge as follows:

“Storge or affection is a wide-ranging force which can apply between family members, friends, pets and owners, companions or colleagues; it can also blend with and help underpin other types of tie such as passionate love or friendship.”

Your teammates fit here on the spectrum of that thing we call love. They’re more than the thirty-four other kids in your algebra class but not in the phileo/BFF category. Instead, this group you love is nicely slipped into your storge group.

The final love is the most powerful, and perhaps, the least understood.

Agape

Agape love is an unconditional bond. This category provides an umbrella for all others. It’s the one most written about in the Bible. To be like Jesus, we need to work towards agape love for each other.

God loves you regardless of changing circumstances. If you mess up royally, God still loves you. If you cross that finish line in last place, God loves you as much as He loves the one holding the First Place trophy. The Bible says that nothing can separate you from the love of God—even you. Oh, you can walk away from it; refuse to have anything more to do with God; but I guarantee you, God’ll still love you. Agape is unconditional. He’ll be right there when you turn around and open your arms to him again.

Don’t believe in God? No problem; He believes in you.

You only want to love and be loved, and you don’t see any connection with religion? You are so right! Love on any of these levels has nothing whatsoever to do with religion.

However, it’s impossible for you to love anyone without God because God is love . Love on every level came from God. He thought of it first.

In the beginning, this earth had not a single thing on it. Read the Bible. Genesis begins by telling us that the earth was formless and void. Nada, nothing existed until God created it.

Then, we humans messed up big time and everything changed. Death and hate entered the world.

God’s agape, unconditional love stepped in to give each of us an opportunity to change our own lives, one person at a time. Jesus voluntarily left the riches of Heaven, to live his life as a human being to show us the way back into that perfect love relationship with Father God.

Have you seen the post on social media that calls for God to be tried in cosmic court for child abuse? Now, there’s somebody who’s never understood the Bible.

Their evidence is the most read verse of the Bible: For God so loved the world that he gave His only son, that whosoever believes in Him would never die but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

The modern-day accuser says that’s child abuse because God sacrificed His son. Guilty!

If you see the post/tweet, you can reply:

Better check your reference, friend. Yes, God sent His only son recorded in John 3:16 but move over to I. John 3:16 and you’ll see Jesus chose to lay down his life. That’s agape, unconditional, sacrificial love for us, not child abuse.

I John 3:16-18 says,

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”(NIV)

God’s plan to save us all from a fiery eternity included Jesus and the Holy Spirit from the get-go. The plan involved no abuse on the part of Father God towards His son. Pure agape love for you and I brought John 3:16 to earth.

Conclusion

There’s just so much to know about love, all kinds of love. Love brings joy. Love brings pain. Because love is of God, both joy and pain bring us closer to the God Who loves us more than we can ever imagine.

The above answered my own question: What should today’s teens know about love?

Now, it’s your turn. What do you think a senior should know about love? If you have anything to share with an old lady about love, I’d be delighted to read your comments; I really would.